Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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