id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
