I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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