I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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