I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
