And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
