So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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