I need help removing her.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
