Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish my penis had a tongue
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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