well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
