I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
