Screwed.edu
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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