Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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