Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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