I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
where are my eyebrows?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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