Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
