you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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