btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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