I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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