he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
