I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
