she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
