yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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