I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
