Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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