planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
