I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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