So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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