Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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