so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
