Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
