I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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