You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
