are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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