Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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