If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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