my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
