Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
