Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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