you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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