so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
