Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm too high and old for this...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize