You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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