my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
