I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
a search helicopter?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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