You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
