now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
