I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
