I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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