so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
