Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
