I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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