pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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