so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
