Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
