Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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