He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
