K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can text with my tongue
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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