how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The best revenge is premature balding
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
