I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We have started to decorate penises.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
