piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
