Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
