Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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