I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
